yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
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