I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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