I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
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