I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
