....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
