We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
