girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
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