I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Randomize
