I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize