bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
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