If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
