ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
