Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize
