I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
