Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
