I feel like abortions should bother me more
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
Randomize
