Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Randomize
