I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
