You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Randomize
