Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Randomize
