So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Randomize
