Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Randomize
