yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
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