Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Randomize
