watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
