the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Randomize
