At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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