So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
