I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Randomize
