and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
