How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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