see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
