the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Randomize
