found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
