i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
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