it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
