Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
