The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
