Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
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