Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
no you cant smoke seaweed
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
I want her autograph on my taint
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
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