I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
