I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Randomize
