he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
