They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Randomize
