Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
