As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Randomize
