Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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