Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize