We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Randomize