The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
I don't usually arrange sex via text message
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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