Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
I'm at about main and main street
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Randomize
