Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
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