batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
