are you still at the devil's house?
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
she told me i tasted like america
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
