You made me cry and you don't even care
Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Randomize
