The maid of honor just puked.
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Randomize
