he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
