my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
There r osticjed everywhere
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
