have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
