hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize