between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
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