Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
