STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
I showed him my bush... on skype.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Randomize
