Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
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