It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
