I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
i need some magic done to my vagina
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
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