help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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