We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
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