I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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