I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
