if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
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