mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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