dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
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