I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize
