So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
