I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Randomize
