On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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