i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
